There is a moment many Chicago families know well. Your phone rings, and it is your mother, saying she is not sure she can manage the stairs anymore. Meanwhile, your teenager needs dropping at practice in twenty minutes, dinner is not started, and your inbox has forty-seven unread emails. You love both your children and your parents completely. However, right now, you are not sure how you are going to help either of them.
This is the sandwich generation in real life. Not a concept from a research paper. A Tuesday afternoon.
You Are Not Alone in This
According to the Pew Research Center, nearly half of adults in their 40s and 50s are simultaneously supporting aging parents and raising or financially supporting their own children. That is not a small group. That is an enormous number of people quietly carrying an enormous load, often without much acknowledgment of how genuinely hard it is.
The pressure shows up in different ways for different people. For some, it is the logistics: coordinating doctor appointments, school pickups, and property decisions all at once. For others, it is the emotional weight of watching a parent decline while trying to stay present for a child who needs you just as much. Additionally, for many, it is the guilt. The feeling of never being fully present anywhere. That whoever you are with, someone else needs more of you.
Mental Health America notes on their caregiving and the sandwich generation resource page that anger, grief, and resentment are all normal responses to this situation. Not signs of weakness. Normal human reactions to an objectively difficult set of circumstances.
What Helping a Parent Move Actually Involves
When a parent reaches the point where they need to move, the process rarely unfolds in a straight line. There is usually a conversation that has been avoided for months. Then another one. Then a crisis, or a near-miss, makes the decision feel urgent.
From there, the practical work begins. Someone has to assess the home. Researching senior living options falls to you, too, and if you are not sure where to start, this guide to understanding the continuum of care breaks down every level from independent living to memory care in plain language. Figuring out whether aging in place is still viable is another piece of the puzzle. Coordinating with siblings, if there are any, is another layer. And then there is the house itself: whether to sell it, rent it, or hold it while things settle.
In most families, that someone is you. The organized one, the one who lives closest, the one who picked up the phone.
Moreover, you are doing all of this while your own household keeps running. Meals, school events, work deadlines, your own relationship. None of that pauses because your parents need help. It simply adds to the existing pile.
The Conversation Nobody Wants to Have
One of the hardest parts of this whole situation is that it usually requires a conversation that your parent does not want to have, and that you do not want to start. Most older adults have deep emotional ties to their home. It represents independence, identity, and decades of living. Suggesting a move, even gently, can feel like an attack on all of that.
The most useful approach is to lead with curiosity rather than conclusions. Instead of arriving with a plan, start by asking questions. What does your parent find difficult? Where do they feel unsafe? What would make them feel more settled without giving something up? Understanding their fears and priorities before presenting any options makes the conversation far more likely to go somewhere productive.
If there are siblings involved, the decision-making can become even more complex. Different people have different ideas about what is best, different levels of involvement, and sometimes long-standing family dynamics that surface when stress is high. This is one of the most common situations families face, and it deserves its own conversation. An earlier blog on when the kids don’t agree on what to do with mom’s house covers that territory in more depth.
The Practical Side: The House
If your parent’s move involves selling the family home, there is a real estate process to think through alongside everything else. In some cases, the home needs work before it is market-ready. In others, it can be listed relatively quickly. The right approach depends on the property, the timeline, and what your parent needs financially from the sale.
As an SRES® (Senior Real Estate Specialist), I work specifically with homeowners over 50 and the families supporting them through exactly this kind of transition. That includes adult children who are managing this process remotely or while managing a household of their own. Consequently, I understand that the real estate piece is rarely the only thing on your plate. My role is to make that part as straightforward as possible, so your energy can go where it is most needed.
Protecting Yourself in the Middle
Here is something that does not get said enough. You matter in this equation, too. Not just as a coordinator or a problem-solver. As a person who is also going through something hard.
Caregiver burnout is real. It builds slowly, and it tends to show up when you are least prepared for it. Physical exhaustion. Emotional flatness. The sense that you have nothing left to give to anyone. The research is clear that sandwiched caregivers face higher rates of physical and mental health decline than their peers. That is not because they are not strong enough. It is because the load is genuinely heavy.
Protecting your own well-being is not selfish. It is the thing that makes everything else sustainable. That means asking for help when you need it. It means letting some things be imperfect. It means recognizing that doing your best in an impossible situation is, in fact, enough.
A Final Thought
Being caught in the middle is one of the quieter kinds of hard. Nobody gives you a title for it. There is no ceremony marking the moment you became the person your family turns to. It just happens, gradually and then all at once.
What you are doing for your parents matters. What you are doing for your children matters. And how you are holding yourself together through all of it matters too. You are allowed to find it hard. You are also allowed to ask for help with the parts you cannot carry alone.
Every family going through this kind of transition deserves to feel supported, not just on the real estate side but through the whole process. That is why the free resource library has guides covering senior living options, downsizing, and planning for what comes next. And if you want to understand more about what an SRES® does for families navigating a parent’s move, the Homeowners 50+ page is the right place to start.
Prefer watching instead of reading? This auto-generated video summarizes the key points discussed in this article.
If you’re starting to think about what comes next, you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Sometimes it helps just to talk things through.
You can always take the next step at your own pace, with no pressure and no expectations. I’m always happy to help you get a clearer picture of your options.
Michelle Williams is a REALTOR® and SRES® serving Chicago and the South Suburbs, helping homeowners 50+ make confident decisions about their next move.
